• December 12, 2017, 07:50 AM
• Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
Perusing The Shelves

Author Topic: Job Application - Humour  (Read 2812 times)

Offline mayur47

Job Application - Humour
« on: September 15, 2008, 05:34 AM »
Some gems from job applications...

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

================================================== ======================

Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my commuter skills."

I think we can oblige.

================================================== ======================

Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."

Sounds uncomfortable.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."

We can hardly wait.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."

We'll try not to let it go to our heads.

================================================== ======================

Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."

Good luck with that.

================================================== ======================

Experience: "10 years of experience in financail budgiting and transactions rigistering."

But limited experience with the spell-check function.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."

If you insist.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."

Yum.

================================================== ======================

Skills: "Grate communication skills."

Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?

================================================== ======================

Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."

Seems kind of harsh ...

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."

Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?

================================================== ======================

Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?

================================================== ======================

Education: "B.A. in Loberal Arts."

Did you minor in ear piercing?

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appalling to employers."

We're pretty shocked already ...

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."

Glad to hear it.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.

================================================== ======================

Cover letter: "Experienced in all faucets of accounting."

That should help with the flow of information.
Best Regards
Mayur47
Enjoy!!!
 

Advertisement


Offline Niobe

Re: Job Application - Humour
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2012, 06:52 AM »
 :D

Thanks  :-*
 

Offline nishi

Re: Job Application - Humour
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2012, 09:44 AM »
One more joke of job application is here  :)  :D


This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: G****** B********

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

 :D :D
 

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
10 Replies
5580 Views
Last post October 15, 2008, 02:02 AM
by mayur47
0 Replies
770 Views
Last post September 10, 2012, 06:22 AM
by mackt