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Author Topic: Need Critiques for a beginner like me ;D  (Read 4393 times)

Offline xtine2296

Need Critiques for a beginner like me ;D
« on: December 04, 2013, 09:05 PM »
I wrote a book last week on wattpad under the name takeabook. It was still ongoing and so far, it has 3 chapters.
I'm a bit bothered by my grammar and writing style. PLEASE HELP ME IMPROVE!

Title: Marriage in trouble
Genre: M/M, contemporary, romance

I'm still deciding if i'm gonna add erotica in the story.

So here it is.

« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:13 PM by xtine2296 »
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Offline Asor

Re: Need Critiques for a beginner like me ;D
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2014, 12:14 PM »
Hello xtine,

first: congratulation, most peole talk about writing but never does... and most don't have the courage to go public...
I'm not a native english speaker so I can't help you much with grammar, what I can say is, sorry, I do not like the way you start: 3rd person description, I don't think it works. It feels like I'm reading the synopsis...furthermore you switch to 1st plural really quick... (p.s. Then back)
Maybe starting with an action-moment... entering the lobby someone looking at your character & giving the reader the description... (Just an option)
Maybe it's because I'm used to it but in my opinion getting the strory starting from a character point of view (eventually switching POV ) helps the reader to get hoocked by the plot.

Keep going! The idea is there, the path is just a litt' rocky.  :)

« Last Edit: March 04, 2014, 07:04 AM by Asor »
Hands in the air *wave* *wave* *wave* :D
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Offline humhum

Re: Need Critiques for a beginner like me ;D
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2014, 04:35 PM »
 I only read a few pages in and I have to agree with Asor. I also don't like how you started it off. It seems very detached. Then you switch to 1st person and back to 3rd person within a few paragraphs. Two pages in and I also see grammar issues.  I also think you can be more descriptive for example: what does "the look" from Georgia look like? Is it piercing? Is she giving him a hard look filled with love?  Is there annoyance in her look.

It's cool that you tried to writing something so don't give up. Keep working on it :)
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Offline skyel3r

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Re: Need Critiques for a beginner like me ;D
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2014, 10:57 PM »
Hullo Xtine.

I'll be frank.

I think you should start with a writing exercise. Go to a busy place with a pen and paper and write places of what you see. If you don't have the time/luxury for that, look around your room and pick an object or a set of things and describe them (in writing or out loud).

Read what you've written and see if you could picture it in your mind. If you can't, you might need a better description :)

Also, you might want to start writing short stories or one-shots (as fanfiction writers like to call them). You could easily expand that story's universe :)

Keep writing!

“Being crazy isn't enough.”   - Dr. Seuss

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