first: congratulation, most peole talk about writing but never does... and most don't have the courage to go public...
I'm not a native english speaker so I can't help you much with grammar, what I can say is, sorry, I do not like the way you start: 3rd person description, I don't think it works. It feels like I'm reading the synopsis...furthermore you switch to 1st plural really quick... (p.s. Then back)
Maybe starting with an action-moment... entering the lobby someone looking at your character & giving the reader the description... (Just an option)
Maybe it's because I'm used to it but in my opinion getting the strory starting from a character point of view (eventually switching POV ) helps the reader to get hoocked by the plot.
Keep going! The idea is there, the path is just a litt' rocky.