Thread #4 - We are crazy talkers here!

ADULT DISCUSSION HERE, SO TRY TO KEEP IT CLEAN! UM NO, WAIT! IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, LOOK AWAY NOW! 

This is the new thread as the other was sooo long and had lots of pages. Continuation of our wonderful discussions on Twilight Fanfiction, Books, and Life in general.  But mostly Twilight fanfics... and life stuff that will get me a NOT ALLOWED statement. 

Okay, here is a place to discuss what you are reading, ask for recommendations and complain about the writing.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, so please play nice   

Because we know drypen's watching   

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Has anyone else noticed that Savvy's profile on FF.net is not longer there? I went thru my favorite authors like 4 times and nothing   

Yes, she pops by periodically, though not as often as we'd like.  But I think her ffnet is gone.  I hope she wasn't upset that Lauren did the Customward first.  She was also working on the BaTB ending.  So I hope we didn't scare her away asking about it.

But I do miss a number of the ladies who no longer regularly visit

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Not Always Right features funny & stupid customer stories that show the customer is NOT always right....

It's really funny, but what keeps me reading is imagining those stories asfanfic scenes. 

There are just stories I'd love to read in a fanfic.

Like that one (think of CEOward and Bella as the salesperson...)

Say No To A CEO
Cellphone Store | Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Technology

(I am alone when an older man walks in from the cold.)

Customer: “So, where is it!?”

Me: “The new Blackberry? Right there on display!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It is [price] on a three-year term.”

Customer: “But without a plan?”

Me: “Well, we only do term plans.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He starts to leave, and has one hand on the door and starts to push it open. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “At what monthly rate?”

Me: “Well, they start at [price].”

Customer: “What does that give!? Seven-Bajillion minutes!? I am [name], the CEO of [Wholesale Warehouse]. You don’t know who walks through those doors! It’s your job to create interest in the product!”

Me: “Sir, you were not interested in obtaining a plan, and were halfway out the door.”

Customer: “You have to keep me in the store! You’re f****** terrible!”

Me: “Excuse me!?”

Customer: “What? Excuse me what!?”

Me: “You swore at me. I don’t accept that.”

Customer: “F***! F***! This is Canada! I can swear all the f*** I want! I stayed at Richard Branson’s private island! You are f****** incompetent! You can’t do your f****** job, and are f****** horrible at it too! I don’t know what the f*** you are doing here!”

Me: “Leave. Now.”

Customer: “Not like I was going to stay!”

(and now dream on, this as a first scene, they keep seeing each other, perhaps she works as a waitress too at one of his parties... etc... HEA!) 

Or that one (Geekward and Nerella)

He Will Utter It Here
Video Game Store | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Geeks Rule, Themed Giveaway

(I am female, and work in a video game and movie resale store. I’ve been a fan of fantasy and sci-fi my whole life. I’m busy at the computer making a sign for a display, when a customer comes into the store.)

Me: “Hello! Let me know if I can help you find anything, or if you have any questions.”

(The customer just looks at the floor. He goes over to look at movies, when suddenly he holds up a box and a ring on a necklace.)

Customer: “They match.”

(I looked up. He’s holding ‘The One Ring’ on a gold chain, and holding the box art to ‘Lord of the Rings’.)

Customer: “The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

(We frequently get cosplayers in the store, and I enjoy talking about whatever fandom people are into. I was about to ask where he got his replica, when he starts turning the ring around in his fingers.)

Customer: “The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here. In the common tongue it reads “One Ring to Rule Them All. One Ring to Find Them. One Ring to Bring Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them”.”

(I raise an eyebrow and keep smiling. He begins to walk towards the counter, caressing the ring and begins Galadriel’s soliloquy from the opening of The Fellowship of the Ring.)

Customer: “The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the Great Rings…”

(My co-worker comes out from the back-room mid-soliloquy, and sees the look of somewhat bemused consternation on my face.)

Coworker: “Um [name], have you seen the new plush we just got in?”

Me: “No! I haven’t! They’re adorable!”

Coworker: “I KNOW RIGHT!?”

(The customer looks disappointed, but patiently waits out our exchange. As soon as my coworker goes back to the back stock, HE STARTS OVER FROM THE BEGINNING.)

Customer: “It began with the forging of the Great Rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords…”

Coworker: “Um, [name], when you get a chance can you come back here; I have a question about this item.”

Me: “Sure. I’ll be there in just a minute.”

(I glance at the customer, and back at my coworker.)

Customer: “It’s all right. It’s just… The writing, it matches. I just wanted to make sure it matched.”

(At that, he puts the DVD back and quietly leaves the store. I’m still not entirely sure what happened. He hasn’t ever come back, but if he does, hopefully he knows ‘gi nathlam h”‘—Sindarin (or Elvish) for ‘you are welcome here’.)

(in my imagined story, he comes back and later they have adorable geeky babies with embarassing names...)

or the last one (starring Daddyward, bitchy Lauren/Tanya as customer/partygirl and Bella as the cashier)

Someone Should Show Her The (Car) Door
Garage | Sandusky, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(An old car has just driven up outside the store. Out of it comes a customer who looks like a party girl, with makeup and chewing gum. She enters the store.)

Customer: “I want some pretzels.”

Me: “Right, that’s $3 a bag.”

(The customer dumps the money on the counter and snatches the bag from my hand. I think nothing of it, but a few seconds later I hear her screaming. I go outside to see the customer screaming at a nerdy-looking girl that looks about 10.)

Customer: “You f******, ungrateful little b****!”

Girl: “Look, I’m s-sorry!”

Customer: “You f****** better be, you little cow! You f****** well damaged my car! There are cameras up there. You are in so much trouble!”

Me: “What’s happened?”

Customer: “This ugly b**** thinks she can open a car door without thinking that she can actually damage my $50,000 car!”

(I raise an eyebrow, as the car is clearly worth nowhere near that amount. The girl’s father comes up.)

Father: “What’s going on, [Girl's name]?”

Customer: “I’ll tell ya what happened! Your w**** of a daughter opened the door on my car, and there’s a f****** dent in it!”

(The father and I look over. The car door has landed in a dent, but given the standards of the car, I assume it was there already.)

Me: “Look, why don’t you come inside. I can call the police and they look at the tapes?”

Girl: *to man* “Daddy, I’m scared.”

Customer: “You f****** well should be, you little b****! I hope you think about this every time you get in your precious daddy’s car! You’re lucky your daddy can actually pay for this! You think you’re so rich; you can do what you want!”

(I try to help the situation by asking the customer to take a step inside and talk to the manager. But then she looks at the father.)

Customer: “You gonna pay for it?”

Man: “I am.” *looks at girl* “[Girl's name], try and think before you open a door.”

Girl: “It was there already.”

Customer: “You know what, little cow? I really hope that when your daddy is in hospital from the heart attack he’s gonna get when he sees the bill, he dies from it!”

(The girl wails even louder, holding onto her father’s leg, as he begins to look pale. He puts an arm round the girl’s back, and some other customers outside the shop and inside are now looking. The customer can’t stand me trying to get her inside, and digs her nails in my cheek.)

Customer: “Don’t keep talking to me in that fancy cashier talk lady; I can handle myself!”

(The girl’s crying is now really loud, so the customer goes over and pulls the girl from her father. The girl is reaching toward her father, and he begins trying to fight the customer to get her off. I call security in my radio. The customer is hitting the girl and knocking her glasses off.)

Customer: “You think you’re so important don’t ya? Well you’re just a f****** loser! You ain’t gonna rely on mommy and daddy forever, kid. One day you gonna have to leave. Yeah, and you’ll die on the streets because you waste all Daddy’s money on attacking everything!”

(The security guards manage to get her off, and eventually the police arrive.)

Policeman: “Calm down miss; we can handle this.”

Customer: “You f****** better do, because I got a party to go to.”

Policeman: “The way you’re acting, miss, the only place you’re going is the station.”

Customer: *laughing* “Come on! Take more than a rich kid to get against me!”

Me: “What about those cameras that you were arguing about?”

(The customer is silent. The police take her away. The man and girl give statements, the man comforting his daughter throughout, and then police look at the car and exchange insurance. Soon after, the girl and her father come in to the garage and buy some fizzy drinks.)

Father: “I remember you from that night.”

Me: “Did you have to pay insurance?”

Father: “No. It wasn’t just because she was attacking my daughter. It was because security showed the dent had been there earlier. And what made my daughter cry more actually, was the fact I HAVE had a heart attack. She was only nine and didn’t understand. She has a mental disability, so can’t understand many things and has to go to a special school. She already was having therapy because she’s scared of the outside world, and this was our first time going to a restaurant in ages.”

Me: “Oh, my God; I am so sorry!”

Father: “It’s okay. I really think she can get over it.”

(It’s been around two years since and they come into the store often. She is a lovely, happy young woman, and has gotten over what happened to her. I’m just happy for her that she has coped so well.)

(but in Fanficworld, they see each other way more often, perhaps there is a trial agains Lauren where both have to testify, they fall in love, HEA with more babies!)


... and I finally can admit proudly that I'm a Twilight fanfic addict... 

Rickell, I loved your versions of the stories.  I used to work retail. Customers can be totally crazy.  And I worked at a high end place. 

Need help choosing my next fic. Just finished Maybe which was good. Here is my TBR list:

Starry Eyed Inside
High Fidelity
Salacious
Angel in the Attic
Diving Headlong
Dusty
Dear Bella
Turning Pointe
Boy in the Red Sweater
Blood and Lust
Consummation
Controlled Burn
Love Me or Leave Me
Distractions
Deviant

Any recs?

Thanks! 

I've got High Fidelity and Distractions high up on my list to read! So I'd go with one of those.

Original Sin
Author: mystique-jewled  PM
Edward Cullen is a notorious pirate and a wanted murderer. Isabella Swan is the daughter of a rich Baron and wants desperately out of her rigid lifestyle. She runs away and circumstances force her to disguise herself as a boy on Edward's pirate ship. AU
Follow/FavoriteRated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 21 - Words: 166,159 - Reviews: 997 - Favs: 619 - Follows: 869 - Updated: 07-19-13 - Published: 05-09-12 - id: 8100141

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Another wip I really like.

Thanks. I added it to my never ending list of WIPs that I'm watching!
 

Check this out! New pictures of Robert Pattinson from Dior...

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Thank you for that. Instant stress reliever after a really crappy day.
Him at the piano and in bed by himself, my two faves. They are all good. Did anyone read the blurb below the pics about him? The writer captured our guy. Well done. Dior could not have chosen any better.

We don't use "pop" for anything other than a sound effect. 

It's probably most common here to say "ice block" or "ice cream". Icy Pole is more a brand name that is now used more generically for the non milky/creamy frozen things on a stick.



These lemonade ones are amazing! After a big night out, they are just the thing to help battle a hangover! Breakfast of champions!

Not that I have any experience with that. 

Could you clarify please?  You don't have experience with big nights out, hangovers or breakfast?   

Need help choosing my next fic. Just finished Maybe which was good. Here is my TBR list:

Starry Eyed Inside
High Fidelity
Salacious
Angel in the Attic
Diving Headlong
Dusty
Dear Bella
Turning Pointe
Boy in the Red Sweater
Blood and Lust
Consummation
Controlled Burn
Love Me or Leave Me
Distractions
Deviant

Any recs?

Thanks! 

Dear Bella!!!

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Yep - I'm a shameless pimp!



Then High Fidelity - it's a longer read. Dear Bella is short - not short and sweet, but it's a faster read.

Has anyone else noticed that Savvy's profile on FF.net is not longer there? I went thru my favorite authors like 4 times and nothing   

Is this not it? You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login Are my stalker skills failing me?

I miss her here!

I'm hoping she lurks and knows that we are all thinking of her!

(and Demaris too! My lebanese life partner)

I get my daily dose of laughter via email from that page: You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

Not Always Right features funny & stupid customer stories that show the customer is NOT always right....

It's really funny, but what keeps me reading is imagining those stories asfanfic scenes. 

There are just stories I'd love to read in a fanfic.

Like that one (think of CEOward and Bella as the salesperson...)

(and now dream on, this as a first scene, they keep seeing each other, perhaps she works as a waitress too at one of his parties... etc... HEA!) 

Or that one (Geekward and Nerella)

(in my imagined story, he comes back and later they have adorable geeky babies with embarassing names...)

or the last one (starring Daddyward, bitchy Lauren/Tanya as customer/partygirl and Bella as the cashier)

(but in Fanficworld, they see each other way more often, perhaps there is a trial agains Lauren where both have to testify, they fall in love, HEA with more babies!)


... and I finally can admit proudly that I'm a Twilight fanfic addict... 

I think we might have another writer in our midst!  You need to fic one of these, Anchalee!