Author Topic: Flounced Fics (Twilight fanfiction) (Read 281244 times)

Matron · « **on:** January 14, 2013, 04:02 PM »

Ok folks, list em here. Fics that you have flounced, and why you flounced them. Help keep others apprised of the good, the bad, and the badly edited.

Mod edit by ficfangirl: Listed fandom in your subject line.

griddy · « **Reply #521 on:** May 21, 2013, 11:40 AM »

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I was in a weird mood yesterday. Maybe you should check it out anyway.
Se is 19yo and From Norway, I think.
I couldn't get into it.
But I also skipped this fic, read the first couple of chapters and the last one:
It's Real Life
Author: xXTailoredDreamsXx PM
Bella never thought she'd meet a man who could make her want everything she'd been running from most of her life. What will happen when a self professed friends w/ benefits pro meets a self proclaimed recovering manwhore while the cameras are rolling?
Follow/FavoriteRated: Fiction M - English - Drama/Romance - Bella & Edward - Chapters: 25 - Words: 249,320 - Reviews: 1,008 - Favs: 380 - Follows: 504 - Updated: 05-13-13 - Published: 11-30-10 - id: 6518240
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This one is not even that bad. But I'm tired of
Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.
I'm pmsing.

'The Best story right now' comment made me want to see for myself...
Naw.... it isn't working for me either. I got to chapter 3 (and I normally would not have got past chapter 1, js)
It feels very... poseur, where conspicuous materialism is supposed to pass for characterization/personality.
I think the dialogue is supposed to be hipstery, but it reads pretty stilted and awkward. Bella just meets this good looking guy, and he teases her about being a vegan/hipste/grunge/indie chick, and yes, she has a guitar AND a secret trust fund, natch.
Grungy Bella charms the stranger with her ready wit:

"'There's only one kind of meat I allow in my mouth Edward, and it doesn't come cooked or on a plate,' I warned then turned around with a smirk, knowing I'd just shocked him royally."

I bet he's intrigued.... if only I were. Enter 'pixie' Alice and a buffoon Emmett cheering Edward to 'go for it', add a copious amount of cliche dialogue... and you get the idea. No, there are no surprises here:

"Mmmm smells good, Bella." Edward's mouth suddenly whispered next to my ear after randomly appearing behind me. I felt the goose bumps slide down my arms and sucked back a breath when he placed his hand over mine to bring the spoon I was stirring up to his mouth. "You have a way with spices. I bet you could make anything taste good," he added with a smirk, licking his lips playfully before shooting me an extra wink."

Ooooo an EXTRA wink! Gee, I wonder what he wants? Spicy meatball?

Bella: "I nearly chocked on my tongue."

Um... If this means Bella has chalk on her tongue, that might explain while their 'hawt' innuendo comes across as bone dry. It's not the worst thing, and certainly has promise based on age/live experience, but you can tell the author is very young and not very well read. Keep writing, honey, everyone has to start somewhere.

deranged_dreamer · « **Reply #522 on:** May 21, 2013, 12:14 PM »

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I normally lurk on this site but I saw this and had to leave my first comment. It's Real Life is currently one of my favorite WIP's and I just don't agree that there's too much sex without meaning. The sex is very much a part of the story, and there's certainly a story there beyond the sex. If you don't like lemons I get it and respect that but never once is Edward and Bella just sitting around eating popcorn and they look at each other then start humping like wild dogs, ha! There's always a realistic reason for them to end up with their clothes off that fits with the moment in the story. Maybe give it another try when you're not pms'ing?

I was thinking more in terms that Edward and Bella hook up on the first day they meet. Bella apparently slept with all the " wolf pack" back home ( I might be wrong as i skipped several chapters and read the last one posted). Do people older than 18 still play truth or dare? During a truth or dare she makes out with Tanya, while Aro tapes it. I think she also makes out with Aro, can't remember anymore.

It just seemed that the whole purpose of this tv show was for everyone inside the house to hook up. I know it happens, but on the first day they are basically all coupled up. There was no build up.

I get Bella had abandonment issues.

Onefinefanfic · « **Reply #523 on:** May 21, 2013, 12:20 PM »

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'The Best story right now' comment made me want to see for myself...
Naw.... it isn't working for me either. I got to chapter 3 (and I normally would not have got past chapter 1, js)
It feels very... poseur, where conspicuous materialism is supposed to pass for characterization/personality.
I think the dialogue is supposed to be hipstery, but it reads pretty stilted and awkward. Bella just meets this good looking guy, and he teases her about being a vegan/hipste/grunge/indie chick, and yes, she has a guitar AND a secret trust fund, natch.
Grungy Bella charms the stranger with her ready wit:

"'There's only one kind of meat I allow in my mouth Edward, and it doesn't come cooked or on a plate,' I warned then turned around with a smirk, knowing I'd just shocked him royally."

Haha! Well the things you've mentioned you didn't like, happen to be the things that helped drawl me in with this story. It's true what they say, to each their own. This fic is by no means the next literary masterpiece, but it is a good story and one I have enjoyed very much. My initial comment was only meant to point out that I didn't agree with the sex in the fic not being meaningful to the plot. I don't expect everyone to love it, and I guess I over stepped by suggesting the poster give it another shot. I just wanted to say something positive about it is all, because for me it really has been one of the few fics that's kept me craving for more.

Happy reading of whatever does make you smile!

deranged_dreamer · « **Reply #524 on:** May 21, 2013, 12:37 PM »

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'The Best story right now' comment made me want to see for myself...
Naw.... it isn't working for me either. I got to chapter 3 (and I normally would not have got past chapter 1, js)
It feels very... poseur, where conspicuous materialism is supposed to pass for characterization/personality.
I think the dialogue is supposed to be hipstery, but it reads pretty stilted and awkward. Bella just meets this good looking guy, and he teases her about being a vegan/hipste/grunge/indie chick, and yes, she has a guitar AND a secret trust fund, natch.
Grungy Bella charms the stranger with her ready wit:

"'There's only one kind of meat I allow in my mouth Edward, and it doesn't come cooked or on a plate,' I warned then turned around with a smirk, knowing I'd just shocked him royally."

Haha! Well the things you've mentioned you didn't like, happen to be the things that helped drawl me in with this story. It's true what they say, to each their own. This fic is by no means the next literary masterpiece, but it is a good story and one I have enjoyed very much. My initial comment was only meant to point out that I didn't agree with the sex in the fic not being meaningful to the plot. I don't expect everyone to love it, and I guess I over stepped by suggesting the poster give it another shot. I just wanted to say something positive about it is all, because for me it really has been one of the few fics that's kept me craving for more.

Happy reading of whatever does make you smile!

I didn't mind that you disagreed with me. I tried to explain above what I meant by the sex thing.

I've read so many fics that I care more about the plot than the lemons. My favorite lemon is always the first one. There aren't many ways to describe sex. So I don't like pron without plot. Which wasn't the case here, she had a plot.

Feel free to disagree with me. There is no right or wrong in opinions and taste. Unless we are talking rape. Lol

Onefinefanfic · « **Reply #525 on:** May 21, 2013, 12:44 PM »

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I was thinking more in terms that Edward and Bella hook up on the first day they meet. Bella apparently slept with all the " wolf pack" back home ( I might be wrong as i skipped several chapters and read the last one posted). Do people older than 18 still play truth or dare? During a truth or dare she makes out with Tanya, while Aro tapes it. I think she also makes out with Aro, can't remember anymore.

It just seemed that the whole purpose of this tv show was for everyone inside the house to hook up. I know it happens, but on the first day they are basically all coupled up. There was no build up.

I get Bella had abandonment issues.

Yup thats the fic. They're not fair off from 18 and like you said it's a reality show so I think thats why the entire Truth Or Dare thing worked for me without me cringing over it. They do stupid stuff like that all the time on those shows. Plus if I remember correctly it opened up for a sweet moment between B and E when he dares her to let her guard down or something like that. I started reading this back in 2010 so it's hard to really remember all of that. This Bella has a really messed up perception when it comes to what "friends" are for as far as her history with the wolf pack goes. The further you get into it the more you start to understand why she is the way she is and why she does what she does. The beginning, though it does seemed rushed, it opens up to a pretty well thought out plot. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut, haha. You're totally entitled to your opinion. I'm going to go back to lurking.

deranged_dreamer · « **Reply #526 on:** May 21, 2013, 12:47 PM »

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Yup thats the fic. They're not fair off from 18 and like you said it's a reality show so I think thats why the entire Truth Or Dare thing worked for me without me cringing over it. They do stupid stuff like that all the time on those shows. Plus if I remember correctly it opened up for a sweet moment between B and E when he dares her to let her guard down or something like that. I started reading this back in 2010 so it's hard to really remember all of that. This Bella has a really messed up perception when it comes to what "friends" are for as far as her history with the wolf pack goes. The further you get into it the more you start to understand why she is the way she is and why she does what she does. The beginning, though it does seemed rushed, it opens up to a pretty well thought out plot. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut, haha. You're totally entitled to your opinion. I'm going to go back to lurking.

No way. You are allowed to have your own opinion. No need to lurk. We are all here to share our thoughts.

griddy · « **Reply #527 on:** May 21, 2013, 02:33 PM »

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I started reading this back in 2010 so it's hard to really remember all of that. This Bella has a really messed up perception when it comes to what "friends" are for as far as her history with the wolf pack goes. The further you get into it the more you start to understand why she is the way she is and why she does what she does. The beginning, though it does seemed rushed, it opens up to a pretty well thought out plot. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut, haha. You're totally entitled to your opinion. I'm going to go back to lurking.

No, Noooo.....I tots get ya! What you stated you liked about and I didn't are exactly that... difference of kinds of tastes... To be fair, I didn't read on, so I didn't give a proper chance.
The author lost me at 'pixie Alice' and easy hook ups, but that doesn't mean it pans out later to be the bomb, and the reasons you gave are completely legitimate for a good character arc.

hmmmm... now I'm curious... I might put it back in the TBR pile again.

Now there are few 'girl/boy gone wild' stories I do like (ie Hipster kids hooking up, Lemons, angst and dark humor.... but not an overload)....try 'The Cellar' by iambeagle, (I really love this writer's effortless dialogue) and her new fic: 'Let Me'. (iambeagle is young, but she can really write.) There is a collab iambeagle and withthevampsofcourse called "Stubborn Love" which is amazing, and dark, too. And then there is kids doing all the bad things including fast hooking up in 'Dirt Roads' by winehoes.
If you want nothing but angst and a promiscuous bad boy Edward, try With Teeth by Talulabella, (only on twilighted due to extremely mature content) And let's not forget the dirty little secret sex and angst of 'Dusty' by yellowglue and teambella23.... Oh and BelleDean is doing an HBO 'Girls' send up called 'Girl Town' which is really, really good.

Ellachanted · « **Reply #528 on:** May 21, 2013, 10:49 PM »

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Yup thats the fic. They're not fair off from 18 and like you said it's a reality show so I think thats why the entire Truth Or Dare thing worked for me without me cringing over it. They do stupid stuff like that all the time on those shows. Plus if I remember correctly it opened up for a sweet moment between B and E when he dares her to let her guard down or something like that. I started reading this back in 2010 so it's hard to really remember all of that. This Bella has a really messed up perception when it comes to what "friends" are for as far as her history with the wolf pack goes. The further you get into it the more you start to understand why she is the way she is and why she does what she does. The beginning, though it does seemed rushed, it opens up to a pretty well thought out plot. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut, haha. You're totally entitled to your opinion. I'm going to go back to lurking.

See, I actually read this thread to find stuff to read. The whole purpose is to say WHY you flounce. There are things that will make Griddy or DD flounce that will make me say "Yes! I want to read that!"

So definitely share your opinions. As long as there is no nastiness, it is all good

delmar17 · « **Reply #529 on:** May 28, 2013, 10:28 AM »

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Reasons:

1. Bella is 29-year-old virgin who practically lets Edward f.uck her after 15 minutes of knowing him. At the same time Edward is the youngest son of her boss and Bella is supposedly cherishes her reputation and career.
2. "Who do you belong to Bella?" "Beautiful wet Bella." "Edward, oh God Edward." "So tight my love." and so on in the first chapter…

Ellachanted · « **Reply #530 on:** May 28, 2013, 11:45 AM »

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Reasons:

1. Bella is 29-year-old virgin who practically lets Edward f.uck her after 15 minutes of knowing him. At the same time Edward is the youngest son of her boss and Bella is supposedly cherishes her reputation and career.
2. "Who do you belong to Bella?" "Beautiful wet Bella." "Edward, oh God Edward." "So tight my love." and so on in the first chapter…

LOL! If it were any other couple? I would totally agree. Somehow because it's Edward & Bella being in love at the end of the first chapter? Yeah, it's okay. And I laugh at myself for this.

*cough hypocrite cough*

And when you get down to it, what woman has a vaginal orgasm the first time they have sex? Other than in a book. There's a part of me that laughs every time I read a story like that. Especially where Bella is self-conscious and shy. Because she is going to be relaxed enough to enjoy it. Ah, fiction.

aLmOsT_nOrMaL · « **Reply #531 on:** June 10, 2013, 10:22 AM »

Ah, my favorite topic, I've missed you so much!

Just last night, I flounced Million Dollar Baby by clpsuperstar, if not for anything else, because of the relationship (!!!) Bella has with her "private parts". They definatelly have a mind of their own and the author let us know

Quote

I hopped down, amazingly remaining upright on the fuck-high hooker heels that I was wearing (the Cooch picked them out because they matched the nearly there outfit)

Quote

It wasn't because Double Agent Coochie was salivating; it was because the twisted bitch was crying tears of joy over what she knew was to come. Well, lots of tears, actually.

(I was blinded after that one...)

Quote

The Cooch was warming up her vocal chords, prepared to give the concert of her life. [...] Yes, I am the Cooch's mother, but I had no idea if she could actually sing.

And then I simply stopped reading... I trully hope the author wasn't being serious and was simply trying to sound funny.

I know we have mentioned the issue before, but I am not sure if someone mentioned this story. And if you did, I should have paid more attention and marked it as a big NO....

Loopy · « **Reply #532 on:** June 10, 2013, 11:02 AM »

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Ah, my favorite topic, I've missed you so much!

Just last night, I flounced Million Dollar Baby by clpsuperstar, if not for anything else, because of the relationship (!!!) Bella has with her "private parts". They definatelly have a mind of their own and the author let us know
(I was blinded after that one...)

That was the thing I kinda loved about MDB - that and the ice cream scene.

aLmOsT_nOrMaL · « **Reply #533 on:** June 10, 2013, 12:11 PM »

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That was the thing I kinda loved about MDB - that and the ice cream scene.

I don't think I got that far. Or at least I don't remember that scene... But from you post I guess it was ment to be funny. Don't you think she over did it just a tiny bit? It seemed like a parody with lots of smut after a point.

Loopy · « **Reply #534 on:** June 10, 2013, 12:17 PM »

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I don't think I got that far. Or at least I don't remember that scene... But from you post I guess it was ment to be funny. Don't you think she over did it just a tiny bit? It seemed like a parody with lots of smut after a point.

I know what you mean, there was like a lemon every chapter (nearly) which wasn't really necessary - but for me personally there's no such thing as too much smut!!

Ellachanted · « **Reply #535 on:** June 11, 2013, 06:26 AM »

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I don't think I got that far. Or at least I don't remember that scene... But from you post I guess it was ment to be funny. Don't you think she over did it just a tiny bit? It seemed like a parody with lots of smut after a point.

I remember liking MDB. But I usually find that stuff funny. Also because all of these stories start as a WIP, many readers kind of demand, well request, lemons every chapter. Great in a WIP. Not so great in a full story. I skim when I get bored with it. So it doesn't affect my like or dislike of a story.

lucylu0508 · « **Reply #536 on:** June 11, 2013, 05:30 PM »

I just flounced this one:

Pinned but Fluttering » by CassandraLowery reviews
For too many years, Bella Swan has been trapped in a nightmare beyond her worst imaginings. At long last, a glimmer of a chance to escape may present itself. Will she find herself in even more danger if she dares to leave? AU w/ human Volturi. M for language. Came in #8 in Top Ten Completed Fics for Jan 2013 at !
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 60 - Words: 205,484 - Reviews: 1556 - Updated: 1-5-13 - Published: 8-19-11 - Bella Edward - Complete

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For some reason I *thought* this was an AH fic....'twas not. Deals with darker subjects...Bella is abused by Billy and Jacob but that doesn't bother me at all....I actually love that kind of angst.

What I did get tired of and eventually caused me to flounce? All of the CRYING and SOBBING she does. I mean....I get why she does (obv) and stuck it out for a long time because of that but damn. It got to a point that she was sobbing every few paragraphs and I had to bounce. I finally gave up around 60% into it

abbeldwatsch · « **Reply #537 on:** June 12, 2013, 07:57 AM »

I flounced Dusty.

While I enjoy angsty stories, I couldn't enjoy this one, for two reasons. One: Bliss and Dusty are terribly selfish, they both only think about themselves. I don't like them. I need to like at least the main character to enjoy a story. Also, this was the first story I read that I looked forward for a Bella and Garrett romance to happen, because Edward was so self-centered he absolutely didn't deserve her.

Two: Its redundancy. Every chapter is just the same as the previous one. Sometimes, a bit changes. But not always. The same things happen over and over and over again. Then there was the line starting with "Love is"... That annoyed me, too.

The story is 400.000 words long. The authors could have easily shortened it to 200.000 and I probably would have liked it (because I got bored after about half the story). I also tried the "read a chapter a week" approach, but it didn't work for me.

Even though I couldn't enjoy this story, I liked this Alice. She's my favorite Alice so far.

aLmOsT_nOrMaL · « **Reply #538 on:** June 12, 2013, 10:50 AM »

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I flounced Dusty.

While I enjoy angsty stories, I couldn't enjoy this one, for two reasons. One: Bliss and Dusty are terribly selfish, they both only think about themselves. I don't like them. I need to like at least the main character to enjoy a story. Also, this was the first story I read that I looked forward for a Bella and Garrett romance to happen, because Edward was so self-centered he absolutely didn't deserve her.

Two: Its redundancy. Every chapter is just the same as the previous one. Sometimes, a bit changes. But not always. The same things happen over and over and over again. Then there was the line starting with "Love is"... That annoyed me, too.

The story is 400.000 words long. The authors could have easily shortened it to 200.000 and I probably would have liked it (because I got bored after about half the story). I also tried the "read a chapter a week" approach, but it didn't work for me.

Even though I couldn't enjoy this story, I liked this Alice. She's my favorite Alice so far.

It's true, Dusty is a tough read and its characters are far from perfect, but that's what I liked about it. Then again, I read it as a WIP. I don't think I would be able to stomach it as a complete fic. And I won't probably re-read it anytime in the future...

Mernzi · « **Reply #539 on:** June 13, 2013, 02:25 AM »

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"A soldier doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him. He fights because he loves what's behind him."

Full Summary: Edward Masen is a U.S. soldier serving over seas in Iraq, he no longer has any family or any ties in the states. On night Bella finds his profile on a website called Any Soldier, she decides to write him a letter, not thinking it would go anywhere. To her surprise the Sergeant wrote her back. And thus begins their relationship that starts to form over the course of letters. Bella has to come to grips with the fact that she fell completely in love with a soldier who doesn't stay in one place long. And then, throw in Edward's past that's threatening to destroy their future. That's a lot of bullets for a girl to dodge.

Now this a big deal for me. I have never flounced a fic before but this little gem popped my cherry.
I know it's fiction and anything can happen but c'mon people. I was really looking forward to reading this cause the summary sounded so promising. But alas! The writing is very immature, I think the writer must be quite young as well. I gave up the middle of ch 31

Sorry but you are not allowed to view spoiler contents.

I should have flounced after reading this: Authors note from ch 18
-I have a little annoucement. Well really, it's a rant. If you don't like the pace of my story; fine. If you don't like the way I write my characters; whatever. I don't care. If you don't like how I'm explaining things? Or don't like the lack of smut as of now? BYE. I'll see you when I've finished posting this story. I'm not changing a thing I've wrote in the next 30 chapters because of your opinion.
-With that being said, I write for me. Not any of you. That's not to say that I'm not so NOT ALLOWED thankful for all of you have stuck with me. I couldn't imagine this story without you. I'm just not cateering to you. (Don't take that in a bitchy way.)

WOW.

ajamm · « **Reply #540 on:** June 14, 2013, 02:54 AM »

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I just flounced this one:

Pinned but Fluttering » by CassandraLowery reviews
For too many years, Bella Swan has been trapped in a nightmare beyond her worst imaginings. At long last, a glimmer of a chance to escape may present itself. Will she find herself in even more danger if she dares to leave? AU w/ human Volturi. M for language. Came in #8 in Top Ten Completed Fics for Jan 2013 at !
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 60 - Words: 205,484 - Reviews: 1556 - Updated: 1-5-13 - Published: 8-19-11 - Bella Edward - Complete

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For some reason I *thought* this was an AH fic....'twas not. Deals with darker subjects...Bella is abused by Billy and Jacob but that doesn't bother me at all....I actually love that kind of angst.

What I did get tired of and eventually caused me to flounce? All of the CRYING and SOBBING she does. I mean....I get why she does (obv) and stuck it out for a long time because of that but damn. It got to a point that she was sobbing every few paragraphs and I had to bounce. I finally gave up around 60% into it

I flounced it too, but not because she cries all the time but because when she gets an out to it she wants to go back to see what's happening with 'her Jacob'

After all he did to her. $:-\$

Author Topic: Flounced Fics (Twilight fanfiction) (Read 281244 times)

Matron

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